Power Touching

Last week I was power-touched twice—or at least I think I was. When it happened, I did not know whether such a thing as a Power Touch existed. I thought the phrase “power-touching” was my invention, but I googled the phrase just to make sure and discovered it is not my invention at all. But more on that later.

What is Power Touching? In my experience, it usually occurs between two males—one who occupies a position of authority in relation to the other. The person in the authority position will at some point in the conversation put his hand on the shoulder or back or arm of the other. He may even rub the back or arm in a caressing manner. The intent of the touch, I believe, is to put the other person at ease—create a sort of comfort zone. As I experienced my touchings last week, one was done by an expert, so naturally that it seemed just a part of the conversation. But the other was done so awkwardly that I had the feeling that the person doing it was doing it as some sort of assignment: “By next week I want each of you to power touch seven different people.” The man with whom I had been talking suddenly came toward me with his arms out and rubbed both of my arms as he made a bit of small talk. It was clumsily done and made me feel uncomfortable.

Now before you begin to speculate that I have an unnatural aversion to being touched by males, let me assure you that I frequently hug certain males—sons, brothers, good friends that I have not seen for a long time. I am quite comfortable with those hugs. What bothers me about power touching is not that a male is touching me, but that he is attempting to manipulate me, to use touch as a strategy to create a bond with me or make me think positively about him. I feel like I have been reduced to a project, and I don’t like that at all.

Am I just being hyper-sensitive? No. My goggling of the phase “Power Touch” revealed to me that it is indeed an intentional strategy practiced by lots of people who stand to profit from the touch. According to Dr. Carol Kinsey Goman (my Google source), “We are programmed to feel closer to someone who’s touched us.” One study by Cornell University revealed that a waitress who touched the hand of her patron ever so briefly, twice, received a 17% tip whereas if she did not touch the patron she received a 12% tip.

Dr. Goman is an “Executive Coach” who has published a book, The Non-Verbal Advantage: The Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work. Aha! I was right. The executives who touched me were quite likely engaged in a kind of conscious manipulation. And I feel vindicated in the discomfort I felt at the power touching. I suppose if I were a single mom with two kids to support with my job as a waitress, I would discreetly touch my patrons—even though it’s manipulation. But when bosses and supervisors use this good thing, the human delight in touch, for selfish personal goals, I object.